is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
