Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
