I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
