the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
