You're my little dorito
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
