Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
