"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
