do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize