we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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