The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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