Are we in a gay sports bar?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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