i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
