Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
