i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
