your room smells of hookers.
And success
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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