Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You smell like stripper and shame
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
whose parrot is this?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
