btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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