I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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