can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
