just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
