we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
