you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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