Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
