Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
