I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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