So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
