I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
