I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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