I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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