I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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