If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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