so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
