I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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