she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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