Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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