My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
