fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
