Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
