omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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