i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
