thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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