I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
