I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
