Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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