forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
