somebody snuck up and got me drunk
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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