I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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