man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize