Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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