You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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