doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
