I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize