New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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