The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
