I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
