Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
