Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
