Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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