Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
