Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
