apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
