Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
