I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
