I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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