people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
