I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
