I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
