onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
