Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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