Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
