I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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