"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize