I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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