New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
