Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
