I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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