When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
