My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
