dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
